Happiness

The rooms dim
And they're staring
But I don't care
It's been 3 months.
The movies playing....
They're laughing.
but me
With my head on your shoulder,
Holding onto your arm, you playing with my other hand...
Foreheads together....
Heaven on earth.

-E

Small things

I'll never forget.
The way you hold my hand
The way you know when I'm sad
The look that tells me your not ok
The way I know everything your thinking
Your fears
Your insecurities
The way you wore purple to everything because you said it reminded you of me/ it looked best on me
The notes we'd pass in between class
The way you wrapped your arms around me
The way you always make me share a seat
The brush of your lips on my hair
The tender way you said you cared
The way you know when I'm really scared
You'd said you always be here for me
Where did always go?
The way we'd bump hands and you'd stroke my fingertips before letting go
The stare that I could feel even In a crowded room
How safe I used to feel sitting next to you
The staring contests we had at lunch
The way you always called me beautiful
Told me to sing for you when you were feeling down
Stuck by me never let me down
Even when you knew he wasn't the one for me
The way I know what color your beautiful eyes are
The way it feels to run my fingers through your hair
The hugs that light me on fire
The sparks that fly through the air

-E

lies

I push everyone away

Because I can’t trust.

Contrary to what mother tells me, which is not to dismiss people.

But after you burn yourself, you don’t jump back into the burning building,

Unless there’s something of worth.

But if I left it in the first place,

Obviously I don’t care anymore.

And sadly

This world is so twisted. And I never realized.

Till’ I was the one tangled in its lies.

-E

why do i try

Sometimes, I wonder why I bother trying to save him.

He just hurts me.

And I use all my time, all my energy, to keep him alive, and when he’s well enough, he just strikes me down.

He’s fishing.

And I’m not about to fall for the bait.

I’ve learned my lesson.

I’ve swam this small pond so many times,

And fallen for every trick

Too many times

To fall for it again.

I’m swimming

And swimming

Trying to find an exit

That won’t kill him.

Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever find an escape.

Cuz’ pretty soon I’ll just stop trying.

-E

decide

No.

I won’t say I’m sorry.

Because its worth it to learn how to be on my own

And yes

I still miss you

But it’s your choice don’t go back on your word

And I can live with one or the other but you cant decide.

So make up your mind

Make up your mind.

-E

what is love

have you ever learned, that sometimes love isn’t even enough.

Or do you still believe the lie that love fixes everything.

Because I’ve learned the hard way

You can love all you want,

But when you the person you love is so far gone

There comes a point, when it doesn’t matter anymore

-E

you

The sun disappears when you're gone
And shadows fill my world from the outside in
Come back and remind me
What it's like to dance in a field at sunset
To see stars twinkle and be amazed
To feel proud
To feel happy
To fall in love. To live in a hazy world where the only thing in focus is you.
When Nothing matters but to get through every obstacle in the way of me being with you

You look my way and I remember.
every joyess moment the world has ever seen
And I smile.
You're everything i need
And I mean it this time.
For this moment.

Because I've grown. And when you grow your needs change.
I don't need forever. I don't need perfect. I don't need popular.
I need you because you're perfect enough.

Just you.


-E

the fury of you

The fury of  you

I try to hide

You know that I can’t

There is no escape from you

You’re everywhere I go

Everywhere I look

You.

A ray of sunshine in the dark

Like a lighthouse

Calling

Beckoning me

to safety

But there is always a catch.

A black to a white

A dark to a light

A bad to a good.

Love you

Hate you

Petals cover my floor

You love me

You love me not.

Will this vicious cycle never stop?

I say no

You don’t believe me

Think you know me

Better then myself.

You engulf me

Like a desert sandstorm

Can’t breathe

 Can’t see

 Can’t hear

Can’t feel

All there is

Is you.

You

You.

Blue turns grey

Grey turns black

Sunshine fades away

Clouds in their place

And still

There is you

You

You.

Never leaving

Never fading

Ever present

Pulling me under

A sweet

Cool

Relief

That turns to

Hurt

Will I always have the strength

To fight

You

You

You?

Will I always want to?


-E