dear daddy,

i never see you. you're never here and i know thats not your fault, but its hard.
and when i try to go to you, to talk to you, you're not there.
like last night. i was trying to tell you something,
and you sat on the couch, nodded, and turned up the movie.
why?
maybe your just like everyone else
caught up in this nice fake reality in which everyone is fine. and no one needs saving.
which is ironic.
because thats your job.
to save people.
and here,
your own daughter,
is screaming at you to save her
and you're turning your head.
again.
why?
i need you
i need you really badly

mom over reacts. she doesn't know how to listen, and you're the one person who can.
but you never give me the chance
the last conversation we had,
was about me giving you money,
so you could buy groceries for dinner.

how do you see me?
am i even 14 to you?
or am i 18, 20, 25?

i am still young.
i still need you.
i still need to feel wanted.
i need my dad to wrap his arms around me and tell me its ok.
not my best friend.
not my best friends mom.

i need you.
you and mom

open.
your.
eyes.

give me a chance to open up to you
i've been shut down so many times,
i don't even know how to talk to you about anything that is important

"how was your day honey"

"fine"

and then i go to my bedroom for hours.

you don't check on me.

if you did,
maybe i would stop what i was doing.
maybe i wouldn't feel so lonely.
maybe i would feel needed.
from my own family.
maybe i could be strong.

but i'm not.
and you don't even recognize it.


-Emma